


First Love / Late Spring

by jwwksy



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Smut, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, M/M, Questioning, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:02:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 6,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26690347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jwwksy/pseuds/jwwksy
Summary: San has quite a few regrets within his unfortunate journey of unrequited love. Though at the end of the day he can’t change the past, those regrets still creep up and remind him of what could have been. But with those regrets come some of the most beautiful moments in life that he would now claim to be bittersweet at most.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

The first instance that San does not regret was his freshman year intro to environmental science course. One of the smartest choices San has ever made was tripping up the lecture hall stairs. Now he knows that something that accidental cannot be associated with something as profound as the moments he does not regret in his life, but it is. 

After taking a nasty spill in the half-full lecture hall, he shamefully crawled into the seat closest to him. San prefers the back, that way he doesn’t have to pay attention and also does not feel anxious about it, but instead, his little plunder had him sitting 4th row to the front.  
He tossed his backpack into the seat next to him and reached down to make sure he didn’t shatter his kneecap. If he was starting his day like this, he didn’t want to know how the rest of the week was going to go.  
But that was until the sparkly-eyed kid wearing earphones who was sat a few seats over decided to acknowledge the incident. 

“Hey, man, you okay?”

San nodded in his direction and gave him a pained smile. The other kid raised his eyebrows at him in question but continued to put his earbud back in and drum on his book until the class started. 

He also does not regret sitting in the same seat the next class.


	2. Chapter 2

During the first month of school, San does regret letting the kid from his science class talk him into joining the soccer team with him. Not that they’re good at sports, they just wanted to do it as a bonding experience. It was fine at first, showing up to practice after class and spending time with him, but once the fun and games were over, the actual games began. He really enjoyed his new friend, but didn’t expect this bubbly character to emerge from the uninterested kid he met the first day. It was the constant, “San, after practice is over do you want to goalie for me?” With the obligatory, “of course, Wooyoung”. 

It was the pats on the back and butt that Wooyoung rewarded San with for even the most minuscule accomplishments. 

“San! Nice pass.” Smack.

“Thanks for filling up my water!” Smack.

It was the totally predictable but completely overlooked locker room shenanigans that San always fell victim for. Between him and Wooyoung, it was the side glances and awkward eye contact they made while naked before and after practice that had San itching to quit the team, but wanting to stay for more.


	3. Chapter 3

In the second month of school, San is grateful for the night that Wooyoung’s high school girlfriend broke up with him. 

It’s not you, it’s the distance.

Wooyoung sobbed in the front seat of San’s car. Their two hour long car ride back to campus really had San wanting to take advantage of this vulnerable state, offer him a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on, but that was pushing it.   
Instead, San found out that Jamie, the ex, had cheated on Wooyoung several times within the two years they were together, and Wooyoung assured him that they were tears of joy.

The pained sobs said otherwise.

San also found out that Wooyoung has absolutely no idea what he is doing at this school, threatened San several times that he was going to drop out, then had his third eye opened when San told him that he can just change his major. San also found out that night that Wooyoung has a tattoo, has never had a best friend, likes photography, and ran away from home when he was younger.   
San got a hug out of him when he dropped him off at his dorm.


	4. Chapter 4

In November, San regrets going to that awful, terrible, end-of-midterms house party. He regrets letting Wooyoung talk him into it and regrets convincing himself that as long as he drinks it’ll be fine.

It was not fine.

The whole party was San following Wooyoung around with a cup of whiskey that he disgustingly sipped on, hoping that his anxiety would let up at some point (it did not). 

He does not remember much, but he does remember Wooyoung walking him back to his dorm, the two being a little too touchy for a couple of friends, and San somehow convincing Wooyoung that if he holds his hand he will sober up. 

He then threw up on a parked car.


	5. Chapter 5

This next one he has mixed feelings about, but it still made it to the list due to its significance. Winter break is finally here and Wooyoung decided that what better way to start it off would be by spending a week at San’s before he took a train the rest of the way. After San accidentally let it slip that he had an older sister who also attended the university, Wooyoung was all ears.

“San, do you think your family will like me?”

“What’s your sister like? Is she hot?”

San wanted to direct that conversation in literally any other direction. As the months went on he started to confirm his own beliefs that Wooyoung was straight, possibly bisexual in the slightest bit but has never acted upon it. 

When they arrived at his house, Wooyoung was upset to find out that San’s sister was not the hottie he expected her to be, but still adored his family nonetheless. At night, Wooyoung slept on the blow-up mattress on the ground and talked about how he was always jealous of people who had older sisters because they usually had hot friends. San just wanted this “hot sister” talk to be over so he finally told him what he wasn’t even really planning on telling him at all.

“I don’t like women,” San said quietly. He felt like that was it, Wooyoung was going to pack his shit up and catch the next train that morning. Which he kind of did, but not really. In the pitch dark, he got up and exited the room for a good hour or so. During that time San knew that he really fucked up. 

He doesn’t remember any words being exchanged when Wooyoung returned, but he remembers waking up to an empty room the next morning. He entered the kitchen and saw Wooyoung eating breakfast with his sister, the two whipped their heads around as he entered the kitchen but no words were exchanged. 

Wooyoung seemed distant for the rest of the day, but when San’s parents made them cut wood for the wood stove, San broke the silence.

“Are you mad at me?” He asked as Wooyoung swung the axe down in between a log, splitting it in two.

“No, why would I be?” He didn’t even look in San’s direction.

“Because I told you I’m gay and now you’re being distant.”

Wooyoung lazily held the axe over his shoulder and lined up another piece of wood. “I don’t think I’m being distant.” He has yet to make eye contact.

San took the axe out of his hands and stood between wooyoung and the log.

“Really? Then look me in the eyes and say that.” 

Wooyoung rolled his eyes and had a mini fit before he looked San in the eyes and offered him an, “I’m not being distant,” in the most mocking tone possible.   
San shook his head in defeat and dropped the axe. Wooyoung got back to chopping wood and later that night he was strangely touchy with San.


	6. Chapter 6

Back at school in January, San most certainly does not regret initiating Saturday night movie nights with Wooyoung. They had them in the common area of San’s suite, and the two had more of a similar movie taste than San expected. The two bought their favorite snacks, queued the movie up, and would end up talking through the whole thing. Whether it was theories they had about alternate endings, or how bad their media writing group project presentation went. 

After they watched Moonlight, Wooyoung asked San if he could stay the night. San said yes and brought him a blanket to the couch, but as he looks back on it he is convinced that Wooyoung had other things in mind.


	7. Chapter 7

San most definitely, absolutely regrets cancelling movie night during mid-February to attend another stupid party. The last one was bad, how could this one be any better? San volunteered to be the DD, and Wooyoung couldn’t have been happier. San decided that this party wasn’t going terribly, he spent some time chatting with people in his classes and mostly clinging to Wooyoung’s side, until the unspeakable happened. The two were in the kitchen when Wooyoung’s phone went off. He checked it and San knew just by how his face faltered somewhat slightly that it was nothing good.

“What is it?” 

“Jamie texted me, she wants to meet up.” Wooyoung put his phone back in his pocket and downed the rest of his drink. San scrambled to grab Wooyoung before he ran from his sight.

“Where are you going!” San half-yelled over the music. He had to grab Wooyoung by his shoulder before he lost him into the crowd of people.

“Jamie, she—I need to talk to her.” Wooyoung frantically explained while waving his phone around. San shook his head and gave him an incredulous look.

“You do remember how she treated you, what she did to you right?” San wanted to get his point across without triggering any specific memories, but it seems like he was too late. Wooyoung seemed to relax under his hand, but he still itches to escape from San’s grip.

“I don’t want a repeat of September, you deserve so much more than her, Woo.” San dropped his hand from his shoulder. This really was his chance to leave if he wanted to, but instead he just held eye contact with San for a little too long, San thought.

“You okay?” He asked. Wooyoung couldn’t have had too much to drink, he’s been keeping an eye on him all night.

“Yeah, can you uh, just bring me back to my room?” San nodded his head gently and the two made their way back to the car. 

The two sat in the car in silence, and San put the radio on only to have it immediately turned off. 

“Wanna come up?” Wooyoung nodded in the direction of his building. San mumbled back a weak, “yeah” and the two made way for the front door. 

You’d think San would frequent Wooyoung’s room, but because of its terrible location in the back corner of campus, San’s room is the preferred hangout spot. He didn’t really have much hanging up on the walls, a small picture of a dog and a calendar that hasn’t been used since October by the looks of it. His bed wasn’t made but his desk was organized. A man of not many talents. San sat in the desk chair as Wooyoung picked up some random article of clothing and tossed it over to his absent roommates' side of the room.

“Fuckin’ hate that guy.” Wooyoung sounded exhausted. He sat down on the edge of his bed and flopped backwards. He threw his arms over his eyes and called San over to the bed.

“Have you ever thought about getting with me?” Wooyoung asked out of nowhere—he still had his arms covering half of his face so San couldn’t even tell if he was joking or not. San scoffed and looked around the room confused and at a loss of words. Of course he has, just about every day. But you can’t admit something like that to your friend.

“I’m not answering that.” 

“It’s a yes or no question. I won’t care either way.” San sighed, there’s no point in ruining what greatness he still managed to have with him.

“No, I haven’t. You’re not my type.” He lied straight through his teeth and Wooyoung knew. 

“Ah, that’s a shame.” 

San gave him a confused look and went to get off the bed. Wooyoung grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down to sit.

“Can you kiss me, just this once?” he asked so purely, a gentleness that San never expected Wooyoung to have bottled up inside.

“Why?” 

“Because I want to know what it feels like, kissing a guy.” San rolled his eyes but a small smile creeped onto his face and Wooyoung had one to match. He was a lot more eager than San, twisting onto the bed comfortably and checking to see if his breath smelled bad. San laughed and shook his head at him as he turned to face Wooyoung. 

“Ready?” San asked. Before he had the chance to get a response, Wooyoung was already diving in to lock lips. It lasted for 3 seconds, at first. San was so nervous, but so into it. He didn’t want to act any certain way that would have Wooyoung knowing how he felt. No swipe of the tongue or adjusting of the lips, just a simple kiss. Wooyoung pulled away and San was afraid to open his eyes. 

“Your lips taste fruity.” 

“And yours taste like liquor.” San said softly, heart about to race out of his chest. Now he is confused; Wooyoung just sat there looking, and he was unsure if he was supposed to go back for round two. He was about to ask, when Wooyoung made the first move again and caught him off guard. This time he felt Wooyoung’s tongue swipe across his top lip. San swiped his across Wooyoung’s bottom lip and he immediately felt him deepen the kiss. 

San isn’t good at explaining how he feels, but he feels a lot, and hard. And what he was feeling now has been everything that’s been slowly building up over these last six months. He knows that if something happens tonight and Wooyoung isn’t able to handle it, he will probably have to cut things off. 

But, god , this was so good. He leaned into the kiss and Wooyoung brought his hand up to steady San’s shoulder. San pulled away and caught that post slight -Makeout face that Wooyoung was sporting before he caught it himself. 

“Was that okay?” Wooyoung asked gently. San widened his eyes and nodded.

“Of course. I should be asking you that.” Wooyoung smiled softly and moved his hand off San’s shoulder and back into his lap. 

“Did you have any eye-opening revelations?” San half-joked.

Please say yes. Please say yes.

A coy smile appeared on Wooyoung’s face and he turned away from San so he couldn’t see his grin.

“I mean, I found out that you’re a good kisser.”

San felt the heat in his face rising and something else too. He wondered where they should even go from there. 

“I’m sorry this is just,” Wooyoung started as he turned back to San and moved back closer to him, “this is just new for me, that’s all.” He reached down and took San’s hand into his own. He didn’t intertwine their fingers. He just held it between his hands like a hand-sandwich. 

“What are you thinking?” San asked quietly. Normal Wooyoung would pull something out of his ass that made San roll his eyes, but this Wooyoung has a rawness to him that San is honestly terrified of.

“I think that I really want to see how far this can go, if that is okay with you.” He moved closer and put his hands back onto San’s shoulders to steady himself this time. San just nodded like a deer caught in headlights and Wooyoung made the first move again. 

They made out for a while, San followed after Wooyoung as he seemed to be testing the waters with what was okay and what he didn’t like. It seemed to San that Wooyoung wanted him to initiate different moves but he honestly did not know where to start. 

Oh the things he could do. 

Wooyoung slid his tongue over San’s lip again and San offered back a small nip to his bottom lip. This drew out the ever so tiniest whimper from Wooyoung and San immediately felt his whole body lurch. He put one hand on the side of Wooyoung on the bed and brought the other up to cup the side of his face. The other immediately melted into the hand as they continued to collide their lips in the sloppiest way possible. San started to get up and Wooyoung leaned backwards onto his forearms. Wooyoung broke apart for a second as he scooted up on the bed with a cheesy grin. San flashed one back and chased him up. 

“Do you want to keep going?” San asked right before he was about to dive back down. Wooyoung rolled his eyes and reached his hands up to pull San’s face down to his.


	8. Chapter 8

San does not regret taking Wooyoung to get his ears pierced. About three weeks after their unspoken hookup, Wooyoung leaned over to San during the middle of their journalism class and told him that he wanted to get his ears pierced. They spent the rest of class searching up piercers near them, considering doing it themselves, then deciding that the first option was better. 

At the studio Wooyoung sat on the piercing bed and San waited around the counter in the “waiting room”. He had his eyes on Wooyoung’s back as he made small talk with the piercer. Something about that kid always kept San on the edge of his feet, and maybe that was why he was so attracted to him—His spontaneity mixed with a sense of direction. 

Who else had a range like him? 

San was zoned out when he caught Wooyoung’s hand hanging over the back of the chair making a squeezing motion. The two made eye contact in the mirror and San knew what the man-child wanted.

“You really can’t go a minute without me, can you?” San joked as he walked over and grabbed Wooyoung’s nervous hand. 

“Don’t flatter yourself, you know how I am with pain.” 

The piercer stuck the first needle in and Wooyoung squeezed San’s hand. San squeezed back as he caught his face in the mirror. He watched as the freckle below his eye disappeared into the creases of his pained face.


	9. Chapter 9

San really, really, really regrets agreeing to be Wooyoung’s new gym-buddy after Wooyoung decided that the freshman fifteen was taking control of his life.

The first two weeks were okay, mostly because they would meet each other there, one usually already working out and the other having to change before joining them. 

Until Wooyoung decided to drop his Western Civ course. San got the text message from Wooyoung as soon as he did it and his brain immediately spiraled back to the awkward glances they shared in the locker room during soccer. San made sure to show up late to the gym that night.

“What took you so long?” Wooyoung was jogging on the treadmill and holding an earbud in one of his hands.

“I just got caught up with some work,” San mumbled to him as he turned on the treadmill next to Wooyoung. Wooyoung turned back to his machine and played with a few buttons before turning back to San to give him a good look.

“Why don’t we just meet up beforehand and walk here together from now on? It’ll save us a lot of time.” San knew Wooyoung would ask that, and he also knew he could not say no to the black-haired beauty. 

That is how San decided that he wanted to murder Wooyoung with his bare hands. About two days after this decision, the two were in the locker room together packing their bags when San felt a pair of eyes on his back. 

“What’s up, Woo?” San hadn’t even turned around yet. He heard shuffling around him and the other let out an exhausted sigh. 

“Do you ever think about the potential we’d have?” Wooyoung’s voice was deep and unfamiliar to San. San turned around and Wooyoung was sat on the bench, slumped against the lockers. San joined him and rocked into him with his shoulders.

“What do you mean?” 

“If we were together,” Wooyoung paused for a second then continued, “like if we were dating.” 

San sat back against the locker and looked up at the ceiling. He is really hoping that Wooyoung is just having an existential crisis and isn’t actually developing feelings for him, but instead of sitting around and worrying about that he decided to nip it in the bud.

“Wooyoung, what’s been going on with you lately?” 

“Nothing,” He was avoiding eye contact.

“I can’t read minds you know, if you have feelings for me or need to say something then you need to straight up say it.” 

Wooyoung scrunched his face and combed his fingers through his hair. He was stressed and San could tell; but they needed to get to the bottom of this.

“That’s my problem, I don’t know.” 

Wooyoung has never spoken about being interested in men to San. San has always had his Bi!Wooyoung theory but he keeps that one on the back burner. Wooyoung is the epitome of your basic college guy, doesn’t fit into a certain crowd, shotguns piss beer at parties, started school with a girlfriend, and doesn’t know how to make his bed. Nothing about that told San that he could potentially bat for the same team. 

“Like, I liked hooking up with you, I’m just afraid that you’ll be the only exception. Does that make sense?” 

That back burner is now at a slow simmer at most. 

“Yes, but don’t see me as being an ‘exception’. If you are attracted to me, then I think that says enough.” San told him, a little too cold for his own personal liking. He could see Wooyoung nodding softly out of the corner of his eye. 

“Do you like me, San?”

San felt his face heat up. His stomach knotted, his leg started to bounce and his head grew foggy. 

“If I say yes will it help out with whatever you’ve been trying to figure out?” San struggled. Of course he does, but the poor kid is confused, San can’t solidify anything with him until he makes up his own mind first. 

“I think it could lead to some possible enlightenment, yes.” San sensed a smirk in his tone. San reached over to Wooyoung and took his chin in his hands and turned it to face him. The two stared at each other’s lips before the adrenaline finally kicked into San and he made the first move.

So much for not solidifying anything. 

It was awkward on the bench, but it moved fast. San had to rip his lips away and detach Wooyoung’s hand from underneath his shirt so they could get back to their dorms before the locker room closed.

“Do you want to come back to my room?” San asked Wooyoung, his voice deep and ragged as his lips still hovered over the younger’s. Something else took over him, fogged his brain and completely erased any previous thoughts he was set on.

“I would love that.”


	10. Chapter 10

San does not regret waking up to the tuft of black hair spread out softly on his pillow. He propped himself up on his arm and took in the sight in front of him:

Wooyoung. 

Wooyoung in his barest state—sleeping on his back, head turned away from San with one arm resting on his stomach and the other up by his head. San convinced himself that Wooyoung was a model in his past life and this is proof of it. 

Within the lack of regret comes more, which is that he does not regret leaving love marks scattered across Wooyoung’s silky chest, and he can only hope that Wooyoung thinks the same. They suit him more than San could ever imagine, and he slowly felt himself slipping. 

San fidgeted in bed, half because he wanted to wake Wooyoung up without purposely doing so, and also because he definitely has his phone sticking to his bare body somewhere within his bed.

Wooyoung started to toss and turn. “Can you stop?” he mumbled to San. He immediately stopped moving once he was perched on an arm to watch Wooyoung’s eyes flutter open. It was like watching a sunrise, one San doesn’t think he should get comfortable witnessing.

“How did you sleep?” Wooyoung stretched his arms above his head and followed the motion with an obscene moan. San was about to cover his mouth when Wooyoung asked the unthinkable.

“Can we make this a regular thing?"


	11. Chapter 11

San regrets letting Wooyoung take him out to dinner to his favorite restaurant; though this is one of the less significant regrets it’s still on his list nonetheless. San was waiting outside of Wooyoung’s dorm in his car, Wooyoung told him to wear something ‘pretty’ since he was treating him to dinner so San almost felt obligated to put some effort into his appearance. He adjusted in his uncomfortable slacks as they bunched around his crotch and made sure to unbutton the first few buttons of his purple dress shirt. San checked his hair in his phone screen while also checking the time, parts of his slicked back hair fell down already but he could honestly care less—he is dreading everything about this dinner but more importantly he is dreading the moment Wooyoung steps out of his building and San has to contain himself. 

As he was staring down at his phone the car door jiggled, Wooyoung was yanking on the locked door as San kept yelling at him to stop pulling so he could unlock it.

“You don’t know how to listen do you?” San bagged as Wooyoung excitedly jumped in the seat. 

“I’m excited, I couldn’t wait. Also, maybe you need to learn how to unlock it faster.” 

Wooyoung talked most of the ride, San had some input but he was mostly trying to focus on the terrible directions that Wooyoung haphazardly mentioned when he felt like it. San stole some side glances at Wooyoung when they were stopped at red lights and the black turtleneck he paired with a small, silver chained suited him just a little too well. His hair was wet, or was it gel? San didn’t care, he looked hot and that was all that mattered. 

San doesn’t think he’s ever admitted that out loud, that he thought Wooyoung was hot, and pretty, and sexy, and beautiful, and everything in between. He feels like something as personal as that should just stay unspoken. Everything about whatever this is with Wooyoung causes San to suffer from a constant state of neausiating anxiety. He glanced over to Wooyoung who was frantically explaining the most recent movie he saw, and San couldn’t hear any of it. He felt as though he had cotton in his ears, his whole head. Wooyoung’s existence as a whole was so unbelievable to San—Wooyoung was a person with feelings, energy, color, life. San envied that in a way, he wanted so desperately to understand how it felt to see beauty in other things that weren’t just Wooyoung, how to make the most out of any situation. He would try tonight, he told himself. Just anything to remember Wooyoung how he is now.

“We’re here! Turn!” Wooyoung screamed and went to reach for the wheel. San turned his head to see the building that Wooyoung was pointing in the direction of. 

“McDonald’s?” San was exhausted. 

San was convinced this was a sick and twisted trick. Wooyoung really has San set on devouring a juicy Filet Mignon, but instead he was met with this. 

San pulled into the closest parking spot, threw his car in park, and slowly turned to Wooyoung.

“This-this is it?” Wooyoung scrunched his face into his small smile and shook his head enthusiastically. 

“Wooyoung, tell me why I just drove over an hour to get a three-dollar burger when we could’ve gotten one two minutes from campus?” 

“Because you love me?” 

San glared at Wooyoung’s back as he walked up to the counter to pick up their meals. He slowly turned back around and stared at his appearance in the window of the building. His eyes were tired, his hair looked to be a mess, the stupid shirt didn’t even look good on him. San could feel himself getting more irritated with every second that passed.

“They didn’t have any Sprite so I got you Sierra Mist instead.”

His point still stands.

Wooyoung dug into his food and San attempted to pick at his. Admittedly, he was starving, but something about a Big Mac taking the aforementioned place of the filet mignon was kind of a turn off.

The other was in the middle of piling fries into his mouth when he caught the glum look on San’s face. “Are you gonna eat yours?”

“I am working on it,” San mumbled. 

Wooyoung was not catching onto San’s mood, and he kept the questions coming. “Are you not happy with McDonald’s?”

“I am, I was just expecting some fine dining, you know?” San slumped back into his seat as he took a bite into his burger. It wasn’t terrible, he really should not be acting like he hates this place because he certainly does not. It was just the unrealistic expectation that he created for this “date”.

“Sannie, don’t take this the wrong way at all,” he shoved more fries into his mouth, “but I think you need to start appreciating the little things more.” Wooyoung slumped back in his seat as well in an attempt to mimic San’s current behavior. But he was right, and San knew that, and it made him even more irritated.

But this is also Wooyoung and one does not simply stay mad at Wooyoung. San sat forward, took a long sip from his soda, shuttered, then flashed Wooyoung the biggest smile he had to offer.

“That’s more like it.” And it really was the little things with Wooyoung. The way he can say anything at all and change San’s attitude, how he can slump back and mimic San in a way that has him chuckling at his own stupidity. It’s the way he sits criss-crossed on the booth like a child, and how he can’t stop tucking his hair behind his ears. San is also sure that it is the way his honey skin glows in the terrible lighting at this McDonald’s at nine o’clock on a Tuesday night, and he just knows it will be how as soon as they get back into the car Wooyoung will ask one of two questions; one being if San will drive him around for a while, two being if they can go back to San’s and fuck. The worst part is that San is down for either. He had to drag his gaze away from Wooyoung before he said the wrong thing at the wrong place—before the knot in his stomach got larger than it already was. His real feelings for Wooyoung were undeniable, but just because they were undeniable does not mean they weren’t suppressible. 

Back at the car, believe it or not, Wooyoung asked if San wanted to head back to his place.


	12. Chapter 12

San does not regret saying yes. Even though he has probably said it before, he will say it again. Sex with Wooyoung is unreal. Unreal in the way that he was literally dragging San up to his room by the collar of his stupid, purple dress shirt. It is unreal in the way that they made out in the elevator and separated as soon as the doors opened. San was pushed onto Wooyoung’s bed and it was absolutely mind-blowingly unreal how Wooyoung straddled his hips on the edge of the bed, bit his neck, and unbuttoned his shirt all at once. 

“What do you want me to do?” Wooyoung breathed down San’s chest. He was smattering kisses on his bare torso and only going lower, so San ran his fingers through Wooyoung’s dark locks and gently pushed his head down in the direction of his growing problem. Wooyoung looked at him through his lashes with a small smirk and San immediately lost it—lost his sanity, his composure, lost everything to the feeling in which he has been trying to avoid all night long.


	13. Chapter 13

San regrets agreeing to the fuck-buddy system. It’s their final month of school and he’s drowning in schoolwork and Wooyoung. The fucking has been happening for the last two months, about three times a week, and as much as San loves it, he is to the point where he wants to call it off. San honestly would have lived without knowing how Wooyoung loves to bite, spit, and the worst of all: have his hair pulled. San wishes he didn’t know how it felt to have Wooyoung’s nails dig into his biceps as he came or how sexy he would look with his sweaty, slicked back hair after he finished riding San for the first time. San most certainly wishes that he didn’t have the freckles on Wooyoung’s back memorized, and tries to forget that Wooyoung officially gave the freckle on his lip a name: Sannie’s. 

San is still unsure where Wooyoung stands with his whole attraction and infatuation with him. However, San is, unfortunately and unfathomably in love with the damn guy.

My car in 20

San read the text message as soon as he got out of the shower. He smiled as he shook his head and texted back a quick ‘make it 15’. 

Wooyoung was waiting in the student parking lot behind the dorms, looking cute as ever but San kept that to himself. 

The car was quiet, San knew Wooyoung was off. Wooyoung pulled up to their spot at the abandoned summer camp where they usually take care of business, but there was no eagerness behind Wooyoung’s actions. He put the car in park and wrung his hands on his lap. San reached over and tried to calm them but Wooyoung brushed them off. 

“I think we need to stop this,” Wooyoung said softly. He was looking straight ahead and squeezing his hands so hard to the point where they were turning red from the blood circulation. 

San slowly turned his head away from Wooyoung and focused his attention ahead as well. It was windy out and the fruitful spring bloom felt lackluster. Everything was gray like it was covered in a layer of dust. 

“If that is what you want.” San mumbled back quietly. Tears welled in his eyes so he kept his head turned towards the window—looking at the nothingness that was settling within him, slowly. 

“I’m not gay.” Wooyoung struggled. 

A lie, San thought. 

“I know.” 

“Are you mad at me?” Wooyoung was so small, but San knew he was turning the tables back on him after how his coming out conversation went back in the winter. 

“No.” 

San left it at that. They sat there for what felt like hours in a chilling silence that was occasionally interrupted by the accidental slip of a sob between the two. Wooyoung offered a barely audible, “I’m sorry” at one point but the dust had already settled within San. 

They left. The drive back to San’s dorm was numbing in the worst way possible. San knew that this would probably be the last time he ever sat in this seat and he was trying his best, for once, to not focus on the little things. Wooyoung pulled up in front of San’s building and San was officially on autopilot. He slowly unbuckled his seatbelt and made sure to not look at Wooyoung, and he made sure that Wooyoung could not see him.

“I’m not returning next semester.” 

San swallowed loud and nodded his head, forgetting that Wooyoung was most likely not looking.

“Where are you going?” San really did not care, if anything it was probably better that he didn’t know. The last thing he needed to do was get drunk and end up wandering around Wooyoung’s new campus at two in the morning pathetically calling out his name until the campus police got called on him.

“It’s uh, Jamie’s school. We’re trying to work things out.” 

Wooyoung looked at him, San was officially broken

“I wish you nothing but the best, Wooyoung.” 

San shut the door and sobbed as he walked back to his room. He brushed past the RA at the door who asked if he was okay, and the students in the elevator got out as soon as they saw him walk in. 

There is nothing complicated to this. San inevitably knew what would happen, and he tiptoed around that, but in the end he still fell head first into the love that he tried oh so hard to avoid. San regrets not expressing that to him, he regrets not showing the love that he had for him in other ways that weren’t sex. San regrets losing such a precious gem, he regrets not holding on tight enough. But if there is one last thing that he does not regret, it is that he experienced Wooyoung in his prime. Wooyoung’s confused, questioning, vulnerable, and care-free self. San took Wooyoung as he was and put his heart on the line for him, someone who had the potential to love him back but instead let the fear consume his true self, and expressing that sort of vulnerability to what felt like a stranger in the end is possibly powerful enough to deter all of the regrets he has accumulated.

**Author's Note:**

> HI hehe. This is my first time writing Woosan/anything ateez. I am sorry if the structure is all over the place! From now on I promise to only write happy Woosan because I think we need more of it.


End file.
